Some of my friends treated their mummy to dinner at some posh place.
Some bought roses.
Some gave their mum a cheap hug and all.
Oh did i say cheap? I mean gave their mum a loving physical embrace :)
It's really nice to see such actions :)
There were even some people who wished their mother Happy Mum's day on facebook.
Yup. Some went like "Happy Mother's Day !" , others went like "I love you mum ! Thanks for all the things you've done for me !"
But there's a few particular queer ones which went like this "Happy Mother's Day ! I love you but I don't really wanna say it to you in your face and i know you don't have facebook so i'm more comfortable wishing you here !"
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HYEAH ! That's exactly how i felt when i saw such posts !
I mean yeah, there will be occasions when maybe you and your mum just got into a fight and you probably wouldn't wanna wish your mum to 'save face'. Hence you have to resort to this kinda method to wish your mum.
And yeah, there will be occasions where because you're being raised by such a shy family that showing such overt love to your mum will cause you to lose consciousness because of the immense effort required that will lead to a short circuit of your brain.
Yes, we all understand and empathise with you.
BUT I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT SUCH WAS THE CASE FOR THOSE PARTICULAR POSTS I READ.
Sense my great skepticism with the bold and underlined words?
I honestly feel that was a damn douche-bag thing to do.
You must be feeling that since you don't wanna wish your mum, yet you have to wish your mum so that your ass won't be kicked out of the house, so you resort to such douchebaggary method to fulfill your duties as a child.
Genius i must say.
A total lack of self-respect. Yet totally genius.
It's like buying someone a present and then hide it and then don't even tell the person you got them a present. Yeah. ISSUES MUCH?
At least now you can comfort yourself and give yourself a huge douchebag pat on your shoulders and say 'yeah, I'm a good child. I'm pissed off, yet, I didn't let it be in the way of me being a proper child on such occasion.
Yup ! You really stepped up to the occasion ! Hooray ! May heaven reward you with zealous lightning strikes !
PS. For those who are reading my blogs and have done what I've stated on top and feels really unjustified, then I'm probably not referring to you :) But then you'll never know would you?
So much for others. Anyway coming back to me
Well, for me. I did what only the best child could do. I bought Mao Shan Wang durian for my mum.
Of course, she loved it. Like she actually has any choice ! I had to lugged it back to my house from Tpy Central because I'm afraid that the cab driver would be jizzed off at the smell and OBVIOUSLY I couldn't take the bloody bus because the precious noses of the passenger would somehow get punched by the awesome smell of Mao Shan Wang durian. Yes. By human rights and out of love for me, she better had enjoyed eating those expensive durians I got for her.
Anyway, I really wondered at the new names that certain types of durians have nowadays.
Some actually made sense. Like XO durians. Because consumption of such durians leaves a very bitter aftertaste which somehow also taste like alcohol. And also, the sellers would like to increase their sales by pretending as if that they had somehow managed to merge alcohol and durians together to form XO durian. Sounds like some mutant transformation but whatever the background story is. Such a name gets my approval because they manage to convey the meaning properly and advertise it as some high-class durians without being too lame.
BUT ! There are a certain few which ruined the fun task of naming the durians and subsequently, gives us Chinese a very bad name. Really. Let's go through a few.
1) Red Prawn Durian
I tried to look it up on the net and they said that it is because the seeds resembles little red prawns.
Again.
Is calling it "Red Prawn Durian" the best way to sell it ? The thing is that durians and prawns don't even go well together ! You can't have like steamed prawns and durians together in one sitting ! It ain't right !
2) Mao Shan Wang Durian
Okay I know i bought it but even then, i really don't approve of the name.
Mao Shan Wang literally translate to King of Cat Mountain.
Yes yes. What an apt description. You can't get more creative than that. That's like the most WTS name.
You know what ? You'll be better off advertising it as " King Kong Durian" or " Drunken Dragon Durian"
If you translate it to the Chinese language, I bet it sounds even more majestic than Mao Shan Wang.
King Kong Durian - 金刚榴莲. Pronounced as Jing Gang Liew Lian.
Alternatively, Da Hou Liew Lian which means Big Monkey Durian. WHICH ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE BECAUSE MONKEYS EAT DURIANS.
Drunken Dragon Durian- 醉龙榴莲. Pronounced as Zui Long Liew Lian. It even sounds high-class and proper for a high quality durian.
Any self-respecting Chinese product will have the word ' dragon' in it to be more 'atas' than the next. Honest.
You see ! It's all about advertising ! You cannot just come up with any weird names for the 'King of fruits' and expect it to convey the precise message you wanna bring across.
I'll much rather pay 20 bucks/kg of DRUNKEN DRAGON DURIANS than shelve out 15 bucks/kg of KING MOUNTAIN CAT DURIAN.
In fact, some durian sellers decided to be adventurous and took the extra mile to be extra stupid.
They advertised their durians as "Yellow Butter Cream Mao Shan Wang Durian".
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Now.
Why will you do that ?
People who plans to buy durians would KNOW that durians are supposed to creamy like butter and definitely, will be yellow in colour.
Are you insinuating that the durians that are sold elsewhere are different in colour ? Like purple or rainbow for example ?
Must you put that out so plainly that your durian is yellow ?
You think what, now people will be much more convinced to buy your durians because the durians you are selling are IN FACT, yellow ?
Why do you think that advertisements never ever come up with something so explicit and inherently dumb ?
Let me give you some examples.
You will never see this kinda advertisement on the net.
Nor this !
I'm not trying to be difficult here or whatever.
I'm aware that selling durians ain't an easy job. All the lugging and cutting of durians are all tiring jobs. But it just ain't good excuse for such poor advertisements.
Okay maybe it isn't even your fault because when the durians arrive, they are already labelled as such. But you can change such weird names right ? You don't mean to say that should you not label them as yellow durians, your profit will drop and all durians will break loose right?
The thing is that such poor advertising reflects so badly on us !
I can tell you that I feel stupid buying " Yellow Butter Cream Mao Shan Wang Durian".
The shitty thing is that they taste so good I HAVE TO BUY SOMEMORE YELLOW DURIANS !
Thus continuing the vicious cycle of pure stupidity. Each generation of buyers and sellers getting more yellow and more stupid than the other. Each durian being more and more expensive and more and more yellow.
So take some lessons all you durian sellers ! Go to NYP and take their business modules ! You try coming up with some shitty names for your products, your lecturer will probably ask you to go die and reincarnate as someone with more brain cells !
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